Ann Richards: ‘How To Be a Good Republican’

Former Texas Gov. Ann Richards died yesterday after being diagnosed with cancer six month ago. She was Texas’ last Democratic governor, and was replaced after one successful term by George W. Bush.

Richards was a master of memorable rhetoric. At the Democratic Convention in 1988, she famously said of the first Pres. Bush, “Poor George. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” She could have said the same thing about the current Pres. Bush.

Here are Ann’s rules for How to Be a Good Republican. Written late in the Clinton presidency, in 1999 or 2000, they are still true today:

1. You have to believe that the nation’s current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday’s gasoline prices are all Clinton’s fault.
2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.
4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don’t deserve theirs.
5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.
6. You have to believe…everything Rush Limbaugh says.
7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.
8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.
9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn’t diminish your opportunities, but you still won’t vote for Alan Keyes.
10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.
11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don’t pray to Allah or Buddha.
12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.
13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.
14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
15. You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.
16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.
17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.
18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.

3 Comments

  • oldgringo
    September 14, 2006 - 8:51 am | Permalink

    As usual, the voice of reason will be lost to the the silence of the benighted deafness of “THOSE WHO WILL NOT HEAR”—the reigning disability of “BORN-AGAIN-COMPASSIONATE-CONSERVATIVE-CHRISTIANITY” as practiced by the evangelical-fundamentalist MEGA CHURCHES of Pat Robertson, James Dodson, Jerry Falwell and the rest of the self righteous right including George W. Bush!

  • Abbey
    September 14, 2006 - 11:13 am | Permalink

    We have lost a great woman politician at a time when there are no great leaders.

  • September 14, 2006 - 12:34 pm | Permalink

    ANN RICHARDS is a DAM FOOL I have never seen a GOOD REPUBLICAN!!! they are all LYING BASTARDS!! I have seen MANY GREAT DEMOCRATS for they are for the Poor and Middle CLASS and will help us at least! AND WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ALL RUSH LIMBAUGH SAYS??????? HE IS A DAM LYING S O B

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