In response to the article I posted today describing a couple of innovative and important proposals for saving the institution of marriage — criminalizing adultery and de-licensing marriages that do not produce children — a Christian conservative wrote a rather lengthy response that caught my attention.
It would have been interesting to hear what a right-wing Christian thought about a tight clampdown on the rules related to marriage. Instead, as is typical of the Limbaugh-Hannity-O’Reilly-trained mind, this writer focused on the style of my article (my questionable wordsmithing), railed fantastical charges against “the Left” and offered wild suppositions about what I don’t know — but never got around to addressing the substance: locking up adulterers and annulling non-procreative marriages.
But this bit of Dittohead bombast made me chuckle:
The piece is also filled with fallacies, and I give the writer (and most activists) the benefit of the doubt in that they don’t read the Bible, and that they have been spoonfed the lies about what it contains and base it off of stereotypes instead of lying themselves. “In fact, there is nothing of any consequence about gay sex in either Testament.” Oh really? Ever read Leviticus? Probably not.
Leaving aside the fact that I am not an “activist” (and calling me one insults those who are), as it happens, I am extremely familiar with the contents of the Bible, especially Leviticus, and especially the part of Leviticus that says being gay is an abomination unto the Lord:
Leviticus 18:22: “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.”
Yup, and since “lying with” is Bible code for “having sex,” I’m in deep shit. But as bad as this is, a couple of lines down it gets worse — much worse:
Leviticus 20:13: “If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death, their blood is upon them.”
What? No boiling in oil?
Yes, the biblical sentence for being gay is the death penalty. It is unambiguously clear. Gay people must be killed on sight, and their corpses are to be drenched in their own blood.
It says so in the Bible.
Which brings us to the tricky part. If you believe the Bible, and you believe that gay people are doomed to hell because of this edict in Leviticus, then you also have to believe gay people should be executed on the public square. If you don’t believe all those things, then why bother believing any of them?
The experience of human spirituality might well remain constant from millennium to millennium, but it is impossible to take seriously today judgments made by desert nomads 5,000 years ago about food storage, apparel, animal sacrifices, women’s rights and human sexuality. Our understanding of these things has changed radically — is still changing. What we know now renders the attitude of nomads in 3,000 BCE to be, well, inconsequential.
But Enough about Me
So let’s talk about you for a moment, dear reader. You may be thinking, “He’s just tap dancing around the issue to excuse his immoral lifestyle choice. I’m not gay so I’m going to be fine.”
Sorry. Even if you are as “completely heterosexual” as Rev. Ted Haggard, you are not off the hook, abominations-wise.
Sadly, dear reader, you have undoubtedly committed abomination-class sins in your life — maybe as recently as at lunchtime. Maybe even at this very moment. In fact, you could be committing an abomination-class sin as you are reading these words — without even knowing it.
Worse news: ignorance is no excuse. You have committed sins that are equally as bad, equivalently as offensive to the Lord, as anything any gay person has ever done. And you are going to hell in the very same handbasket.
So before you judge me and deny me the right to marry the man I love and have lived with for 28 years, let’s examine your sins more closely.
But first, let’s define our terms.
What Is an Abomination?
“Abomination” is a class of sins for which the ultimate punishment is being barred from heaven:
Revelation: 21:27: Anyone who practices abomination will not enter Heaven.
(By the way, this is one of only two mentions of abominations in the New Testament. The other is by the Big Guy himself. In Luke 16:15, Jesus defines the love of money as an abomination to God. Live it up now, Mr. Trump.)
While few abominations invoke the death penalty, gay-on-gay action is not the only one. Here’s my favorite:
Exodus 35:2: Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the LORD: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death.
Not much wiggle room on this one. If you have mowed the lawn, stopped by the office or baked a cake on Sunday, you are as big a sinner as the gayest person on the planet. Your earthly punishment is death and your cosmic penalty is eternal damnation.
So, hey — I’ll see you in hell.
Which of These Abominations Have You Committed?
There are close to 70 abominations listed in the Bible. Here are a few that you may have engaged in:
Abomination: Eating Ham
Deuteronomy 14:8: “The pig also because it is a splitter of the hoof but there is no cud. It is unclean for you. None of their flesh must you eat and carcass you must not touch.”
The Bible says that if you have eaten ham, you are just as bad a sinner, just as hellbound, as any homo.
Abomination: Eating Any Seafood Other Than Fish — and Birds You Probably Wouldn’t Eat Anyway
Leviticus 11:10-19: “But anything in the seas or the rivers that has not fins and scales, of the swarming creatures in the waters and of the living creatures that are in the waters, is an abomination to you. They shall remain an abomination to you; of their flesh you shall not eat, and their carcasses you shall have in abomination. Everything in the waters that has not fins and scales is an abomination to you.”
The Bible says that eating lobster, shrimp, clams, eel, squid or octopus is equally as heinous as being gay. If you have eaten any of these things, you are going to hell alongside us homos.
“And these you shall have in abomination among the birds, they shall not be eaten, they are an abomination: the eagle, the vulture, the osprey, the kite, the falcon according to its kind, every raven according to its kind, the ostrich, the nighthawk, the sea gull, the hawk according to its kind, the owl, the cormorant, the ibis, the water hen, the pelican, the carrion vulture, the stork, the heron according to its kind, the hoopoe, and the bat.”
Good news: Parrots are okay to eat and, if you enjoy bat meat, there appears to be a loophole. Bats are mammals not birds.
Abomination: Eating Leftovers
Leviticus 19:7: “If it is eaten at all on the third day, it is an abomination.”
The Bible says that eating three-day-old leftovers and being gay are equivalent sins.
Abomination: Eating Snakes and Crawly Critters
Leviticus 11:42: “Whatever goes on its belly, and whatever goes on all fours, or whatever has many feet, all the swarming things that swarm upon the earth, you shall not eat; for they are an abomination.”
Abomination: Eating Sacrificed Animals
Leviticus 7:18: If any of the flesh of the sacrifice of his peace offering is eaten on the third day, he who offers it shall not be accepted, neither shall it be credited to him; it shall be an abomination, and he who eats of it shall bear his iniquity.
No worries for you here, I hope.
Abomination: Having a Psychic Reading or Checking Your Horoscope
Deuteronomy 18:10-12 “When you come into the land which the LORD your God gives you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations. There shall not be found among you any one who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, any one who practices divination, a soothsayer, or an augur, or a sorcerer, or a charmer, or a medium, or a wizard, or a necromancer. For whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD; and because of these abominable practices the LORD your God is driving them out before you.”
Abomination: Burning Incense
Isaiah 1:13: Bring no more vain offerings; incense is an abomination to me. New moon and sabbath and the calling of assemblies — I cannot endure iniquity and solemn assembly.
Abomination: Cheating at Business
Deuteronomy 25:13-16: “You shall not have in your bag two kinds of weights, a large and a small. You shall not have in your house two kinds of measures, a large and a small. A full and just weight you shall have, a full and just measure you shall have; that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you. For all who do such things, all who act dishonestly, are an abomination to the LORD your God.”
Proverbs 11:1 A false balance [scale] is an abomination to the LORD, but a just weight is his delight.
Abomination: Women Wearing Pants, Men Dressing in Drag
Deuteronomy 22:5: “A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God.”
Yes, ladies, if you wear jeans, it is an abomination equal to the sin of being a drag queen.
Abominations: Haughtiness, Lying, Killing the Innocent, Wicked Scheming, Seeking out Evil and Troublemaking
Proverbs 6:16-19: There are six things which the LORD hates, seven which are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and a man who sows discord among brothers.
Can’t help but think that George W. Bush is in a heap of trouble on this one.
Proverbs 16:5: Every one who is arrogant is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he will not go unpunished.
We’re all going to hell.
I chuckled at the suggestion that I didn’t know Leviticus because only someone who truly does not know what Leviticus says in full would have made the suggestion.The issue of abominations is a booby trap for Bible believers.
If you believe being gay is such a horrible sin that it disqualifies gay people from having equal civil rights, then you cannot say you don’t equally believe that homos should be rounded up and gassed.
You must also accept the fact that people who eat shellfish, women who wear pants, kids who eat leftovers, businesspeople who cheat, frequenters of psychics, liars, stuck-up people, schemers, troublemakers, the wealthy and others who wallow in abominable sin should all have their civil rights curtailed too.
It defies logic — not to mention civility — to single out the proscription on homosexuality in Leviticus for special treatment. It should be treated like the other abominations: inconsequentially.
NOTE: I found this source to be handy in assembling the information in this article.