I don’t often read Dave Barry because I grew tired of booger jokes back in fifth grade, but sometimes the guy is worth reading. Today’s commentary is a case in point where Barry attributes all the weird stuff that gravitates to South Florida (O.J. Simpson, Elian Gonzalez, hanging chads, Virgin Mary cheese sandwich, Anna Nicole Smith, etc.) to a giant underground weirdness magnet that we must find and dig up to rid us of this constant flow of life’s rich pageant.
We need to find it, dig it up, and get rid of it.
I’m talking about the South Florida Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet. It’s buried around here somewhere. It has to be. How else can you explain why so many major freak-show news stories either happen, or end up, in South Florida?
O.J. Simpson, for example. Why is he here? Did anybody in South Florida ever say, ”Hey O.J.! Why don’t you pack up your golf clubs, your one glove and your remaining cutlery, and come be part of our community!”? Of course not! Nobody WANTED him here. He was DRAWN here, by the Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet.
Read the rest here.
So that’s where our weirdness magnet went! Please ship it back care of General Delivery, Los Angeles, Ca, ATTN: A. Villaraigosa
But I just read today that the office building that housed the National Enquirer and the Globe in Boca Raton was finally going to be reopened after being cleared of anthrax. That’s got to lower your weirdness score a little. Unless, of course, they return and start publishing from there again…
Yeah, well, I think there are quite a few people in Miami who are hoping Castro croaks within the next two weeks so they can have his death celebration party under cover of the annual Calle Ocho Festival. That way, they can still party while sl Jefe burns in hell, but without the bad publicity they so richly deserve.
I found the weirdness line. It is based on an ancient medical ship which crash landed. The ship was filled with women. All guardian angels. Anyway they were carried into a time shift and it carried them from the West Side of Florida to the East Side of Florida. You can still see the hole and the magnetic line if you know how to look. They were trapped inside of a space time continuum and this is one reason there was a Bermuda Triangle. You’ll read all about it in my book I’ll write about it someday. Be sure to look for the giant footprint. I think its about a mile in length. And by the way listen to Dave Barry. He knows things.