It is 6:40 a.m. in West Hollywood as I write this, and I am celebrating the long awaited Senate Judiciary Committee testimony of Attorney Gen. Alberto Gonzales with a drinking game. My plan is to do a shot of tequila every time he uses the word “improper.” I am doing this strictly for your entertainment, dear read, but please feel free to play along at home.

Let the games begin:

7:04 – Abu says he’s done nothing improper and therefore nothing improper has been done. Gimme two. Bottoms up! Yee-ha.

7:29 – Nothing was improper, I tells ya! I was not improper, nothing improper to see here, move along. Set up three more shots, tarbender!

8:41 – Abu: I don’t recall it but I do know it wasn’t improper. Just one, barkeep.

8:51 – Improper, I was not, says Abu, and improper was not done by me. Twofer. Line ‘em up, good sir, two in row.

9:30 – They have broken for lunch. During Gonzo’s three weeks of practice sessions, the Rove people must have cued him not to over-use his catch phrases — more’s the pity for the game. I’ve only had eight ounces of liquor so far!

On the substance, the truthy answers he memorized are working as intended. His talks and talks but says nothing — and yet his words seem to brim with content.

11:47 – They’re back from lunch, and we have three impropers off the bat. Line ‘em up!

11:54 – Just one. Urp!

12:10 – Sen. Whitehouse calls Gonzo on over-using the word “improper.” A dozen or so uses back and forth. A round for the house, my good man!

12:56 – Hatch gives Gonzo big improper love: Four in a row – ding, ding, ding, ding.

1:37 – Gonzo tells Schumer it’s up to accusers to prove he did something improper. Set me up!

1:46 – Early reviews of Gonzo’s performance are not good:

CNN’s Dana Bash:

Loyal Republican after loyal Republican in this hearing room, and more specifically, in private to CNN today have made it clear that they are frankly flabbergasted by how poorly they think the attorney general has done in this hearing. … During the lunch break, in private, several very loyal Republicans made it clear to CNN that they were really dripping with disappointment.

CNN’s Suzanne Malveaux:

[White House officials] believe Gonzales is in trouble. … Two senior White House aides here describing the situation, Gonzales’ testimony, as “going down in flames.” That he was “not doing himself any favors.” One prominent Republican describing watching his testimony as “clubbing a baby seal.”

1:55 – Game over. I’m not sure which is more wasted, me or Gonzo’s career.

Update: We should have been playing on the phrase, “I don’t recall.” Someone counted 71 of them. That would have been staggering.