Now we know why it’s best for Bush to stay home and clear brush. Not long after answering Australia’s Deputy Prime Minister Mark Vaile’s question about progress in Iraq, “We’re kicking ass,” Bush went on to really offend.

“Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit,” Bush said to Australian Prime Minister John Howard.

Oops. That would be APEC, the annual meeting of leaders from 21 Pacific Rim nations, not OPEC, the cartel of 12 major oil producers.

Bush quickly corrected himself. “APEC summit,” he said forcefully, joking that Howard had invited him to the OPEC summit next year (for the record, an impossibility, since neither Australia nor the U.S. are OPEC members).

…Talking about Howard’s visit to Iraq last year to thank his country’s soldiers serving there, Bush called them “Austrian troops.”

That one was fixed for him. Though tapes of the speech clearly show Bush saying “Austrian,” the official text released by the White House switched it to “Australian.”

Then, speech done, Bush confidently headed out the wrong way.

He strode away from the lectern on a path that would have sent him over a steep drop. Howard and others redirected the president to center stage, where there were steps leading down to the floor of the theater.

But wait, there’s more. Being addled in Australia was only a warm-up. If you really want to mess things up, piss off a country that is trying to help you fight one of the members of your axis of evil.

It began as a photo opportunity, with the two presidents complimenting one another and declaring progress in the six-party talks aimed at ending North Korea’s nuclear program. Then, things heated up.

[South Korean President Moo Hyun] Roh agreed to carry a message in a forthcoming summit to North Korean leader Kim Jong Il urging him to comply with international agreements.

The exchange heated up as Roh asked the president to clarify his stance [on the U.S. formally declaring an end to the 1950s Korean War].

“I think I might be wrong,” Roh said, through a translator. “I think I did not hear President Bush mention a declaration to end the Korean War, as of just now. Did you say so, President Bush?”

Bush replied, “I said it’s up to Kim Jong Il as to whether we can sign a peace treaty to end the Korean War. We’ve got to get rid of his weapons … and we’re making progress toward that goal. It’s up to him.”

Roh laughed politely and gave a broad smile before saying, “I believe that they are the same thing, Mr. President. If you could be a little clearer in your message.”

Bush gave an awkward chuckle, glanced at Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and, with a shake of the head, responded, “I can’t make it anymore clear, Mr. President…That will happen when Kim Jong Il verifiably gets rid of his weapons programs and his weapons.”

Afterward, White House spokesman Gordon Johndroe downplayed the apparent clash. “There was clearly something lost in translation during the photo op. President Bush considered it a good meeting…

We’ll go with that then. It was good meeting, marred only by low-budget translators.