Borowitz Says Democrats Will Find a Way to Screw Up; Republicans Say They Already Did

Andy Borowitz needs to come to Florida. His parody column isn’t a spoof here — it’s reality.

Like manna from heaven, the Democratic presidential candidates’ boycott of Florida’s Jan. 29 primary has state GOP leaders giddy.

Amid a growing belief that there is no way the Democrats can blow the 2008 presidential election, Democratic National Committee chief Howard Dean sought today to reassure the party faithful that the party was “doing everything in its power” to uphold its losing tradition.

At a top-level summit called “Defeat: 2008” being held in Boston, the former Vermont Governor gave a rousing speech to concerned Democrats, bringing his audience to his feet by vowing, “I can assure each and every one of you, we will find a way to screw this up.”

Actually they already did. And while Democrats don’t acknowledge that banning candidates from campaigning in Florida to punish the state for moving its primary date is the dumbest thing they’ve ever done, the Republicans do.

Sure Republicans head into 2008 with an unpopular president, an unpopular war and no consensus on their best presidential candidate. But like manna from heaven, the Democratic presidential candidates’ boycott of Florida’s Jan. 29 primary has state GOP leaders giddy.

“I cannot imagine any candidate for president ever signing (such a pledge), but they have,” a beaming state Republican chairman Jim Greer told party leaders at the Presidency IV convention Sunday in Orlando…

“Our party, because of what the Democrats have done, has an opportunity that it has never had before…” Greer said. “Rules are important to any organization, but no one should be a prisoner of the rules.”

Even a Republican makes sense every now and then. Or, as Borowitz imagined it:

“Folks, let’s not forget, we’re Democrats,” Mr. Dean said. “If there’s a way to lose, we will find it.”


  • October 22, 2007 - 1:27 pm | Permalink

    And one….. Day Later

    The Republican National Committee on Monday officially yanked half of Florida’s 114 delegates to next summer’s presidential nominating convention for holding its primary election a week earlier than allowed.

    RNC rules adopted in 2004 forbid any state from holding a primary before Feb. 5. That put Florida and four other states – South Carolina, Wyoming, and Michigan a cold, rocky entitled-feeling state near Vermont, New something-or-other — out of the window. All five will forfeit half their delegates.

    “We spent a lot of time over the past year educating our states as to what the rules were. This will come as no suprise,” RNC Chairman Mike Duncan said. “All these states were on notice.”

  • October 22, 2007 - 3:01 pm | Permalink

    That’s been the planned punishment for the Republicans all along, Ron. But the devastating difference between the parties is that, so far anyway, Republicans are still free to campaign in Florida. The monumental mistake the Democrats made was leaving a big empty space for Republican candidates to fill.

  • nikolai
    October 22, 2007 - 5:10 pm | Permalink

    I think it’s a given that the elite in this country are no longer attempting to be the least bit tactful in their plans, demands and actions. Look at the past 7 years of republican government (which speaks a lot louder than anything I could possibly say) and look at the inaction (and actions when siding with the republicans on surveillance and the war in Iraq etc) of Pelosi, the House and Congress, and this is (supposedly) from a position of strength! In my opinion the only thing that will keep a republican out of office in 2009 is a landslide democratic (or 3rd party, [HAH]) win, And I mean LANDSLIDE.

  • October 22, 2007 - 5:50 pm | Permalink

    But the candidate boycott was the hatching of the Evil chair of South Carolina Carol Fowler, to avenge he ‘Lil Bro Donnie, who lost the DNC Chair to Dean.
    Because Florida broke tradition and endorsed Dean before the meeting, creating a avalanche for Dean that ‘Lil Donnie could never overcome

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