Justin Peters of the Columbia Journalism Review provides a rare insight into what exactly the 15,000 journalists covering the Democratic National Convention are actually doing:

14,000 are wearing terrible suits.

7,500 aren’t doing much at all.

4,021 are smugly bad-mouthing the convention and its participants in their story ledes (“There is no reason for so many journalists to be here”).

2,294 are bitching about only having perimeter press passes.

1,026 are drunk.

500 don’t have credentials, but are trying desperately to get them.

340 are confused about how to find the proper press office inside the Pepsi Center.

150 are in the CNN Grill.

62 are enjoying massages.

Seven of them are having their photographs taken with Captain Morgan, the rum-loving pirate who, for some reason, was credentialed into the convention.

One of them is frantically trying to engineer a meeting between Captain Morgan and Ted Sorenson, the painfully dignified Democratic legend who is finishing an interview with Tavis Smiley just as Captain Morgan bursts into the tent, T-shirts and Morganettes in tow.