Trish won’t let me create any new categories, but if she did, I’d make one for Water Closet Innovations. The latest was reported Tuesday by that venerable institution (so you know it’s important stuff), the Associated Press:
If two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that’s what toilet-paper researchers in northeastern Wisconsin hope.
Yes, there is such a thing as a toilet-paper researcher. And a team of them at Georgia Pacific’s Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.
The new product will be launched Monday. The company touts the toilet tissue as ”ultra-soft” and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a ‘’sanctuary for quality time.”
If you go to the Quilted Northern Web site, you can actually interact with a roll of the stuff. There, you’ll find that it has a “thickness you can see and feel,” that it’s “soft and absorbent,” that it provides a “luxurious experience” and that it’s 100 percent biodegradable — because it’s made out of paper.
I’d try the stuff, but it has little hearts and flowery quilts all over it, and I prefer a manly, cheap one-ply. And, while I too would like a “luxurious experience,” my idea of a luxurious experience does not involve poo.
“I prefer a manly, cheap one-ply. And, while I too would like a “luxurious experience,” my idea of a luxurious experience does not involve poo.”
What, pray tell, does it involve? Bubble baths? A massage by a bikini-clad bimbo? No matter,I’ll bet you get in touch with your feminine side every time your one-ply rips.
John:
It’s like the writer Thomas McGuane said: You become a man the day you get your shirttail caught between the toilet paper and your asshole.
I don’t know what he meant by that, but it was the only toilet paper-related literary quote I could think of.
“I don’t know what he meant by that,”
Well, crap! And therein lies the tail.