Today is the birthday of Pensito Review’s favorite Sagittarius, the Buckster himself! To honor Buck, Jon and I are having this practical yet stylish racing walker shipped directly to him from Wal-Mart. He might be old, but he’s not dead! Right? Hey Buck. Buck, can you hear me?

O.K., well here’s a very special horoscope, just for people like you, Rear Admiral Grace Hopper (computer pioneer), Kirk Douglas, John Malkovich, Sen. Tom Daschle, and Felicity Huffman, all born on Dec. 9. Get someone to find your glasses and then see if it sounds true:

A December 9 Sagittarius finds their identity through group involvement. These high-energy people enjoy being challenged and seem to have a knack for starting conflicts with authority. Loaded with a self-confidence that would seem like conceit in others, they’re unwilling to acknowledge the possibility of failure. They possess an edgy attitude that often draws them into controversy.

So far, so good.

December 9 natives are the envy of their friends. They surround themselves with people who know how to have a good time. They have a reputation for being fickle—

Whoops. Let’s just skip ahead a ways.

With the exception of childhood ailments and seasonal complaints, December 9 people can usually say they haven’t had a sick day in their lives. They owe much of their good health to a positive attitude. Exercise is the main component of any Sagittarian’s health program.

December 9 natives enjoy careers that let them travel. They’re talkative, extroverted individuals who make good teachers, tour guides, or language instructors. They love to spend money but don’t like to keep track of it.

Except for that positive attitude part, sounds like our Bucky.

So Buck, we hope you enjoy the walker and have the best birthday you can have on a Tuesday. And of course, many more!