Oh man. I see why no one wants to give former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales a job. His memory, missing in action during his testimony to Congress on Justice Department malfeasance, is back. And the way he remembers it, he did a heckuva job. In an interview with CNN’s Campbell Brown, Gonzales was just amazing.

• His overall record at Justice: “I hope history will reflect the fact that during my tenure both at the White House and at the Department of Justice we did a tremendous job in protecting our country and also as attorney general we focused on protecting our kids from sexual predators, we focused on making our neighborhoods safe from guns and drugs…so many people are focused on the little negatives that occurred.”
• Firing attorneys because of party affiliation: “I’ve already testified, as I’ve indicated before and spoken to the American public about wishing that I had done things differently with respect to the removal of the U.S. attorneys. But I think you need to look at the overall record of the department during my tenure and the good things that we accomplished.”
• Lobbying Attorney General John Ashcroft in the hospital, hours after major surgery, to O.K. illegal wiretapping: “Andy Card and I were sent on behalf of the president of the United States to talk to General Ashcroft. It was an announced visit. We were sent there on behalf of the president to inform the attorney general of a very important meeting that we had just had at the White House with congressional leadership about probably the most important intelligence collection program for the United States government.”
• Approving waterboarding and other forms of torture: “Clearly there is no disagreement about the principle of not torturing. That is something that President Bush announced that his administration would follow that principle, which we tried to do. The issue of coercive interrogation to gather information from dangerous crim– dangerous terrorists to help protect our country is one that we clearly wrestled with.”
• His future prospects: “I can understand in a very tough economy, some employers are going to be very hesitant about bringing someone like me on when you have ongoing investigation…I am anxious to move on to the next phase of my life. I feel like I still have a lot to contribute to our community and to our country and I want to do so.”

How’s about you don’t, Alberto, and we just say you did?