Fun Stuff, Jesusland
As they are being drawn up into the bosom of the Lord at the time of the Rapture, what do you think will go through the mind of Christians?
- How will I locate my wife on Heaven’s alabaster avenues?
- Did I turn off the coffee pot?
- Oh no! What will happen to Rover and Fluffy??!!
Well, worry no more, Christians! There is help for your pets after the Rapture in the form of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA:
You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet’s natural life.
It’s relatively inexpensive ($115 per first animal, $15 for each additional pet), but it’s only good if the Rapture occurs within 10 years.
The service is not available in Florida yet, and I admit I was tempted to take out a franchise. But then, when I thought about it, I decided my post-Rapture time would probably be better spent girding my loins for Armageddon.
Can I sign up my neighbor’s dog???
“The Rapture” belief is taken from a misunderstood reading of one sentence in the New Testament. And who ever said there weren’t going to be animals in heaven? In my opinion animals are far more worthy of a “reward” after death than most humans. They, after all, don’t build weapons and wipe each other out like humans do.