Adult entertainment professional Stormy Daniels says she’s calling off her challenge to David Vitter for one of Louisiana’s U.S. Senate seats. She chose April 15 — Tax Day — to make her announcement because she says she simply can’t afford to run against Vitter’s $5 million war chest.

In a long, rambling statement, Daniels strove to position herself as a victim while using every big word in or out of her vocabulary.

To begin with, like Governor Palin, I have become a target of the cynical stalwarts of the status quo. Simply because I did not fit in their mold of what an independent working woman should be, the media and political elite have sought to relegate my sense of civic responsibility to mere sideshow antics.

They did this not simply for the sake of expediency but because to have a woman of my background challenge the core conscripts of our political and social culture is simply too much for a system that holds that only lawyers and insurance salesmen are qualified to lead.

So, she didn’t just appear in Playboy, Hustler, Penthouse, High Society, GQ and FHM, she obviously read them, too.

But now it’s time for Stormy to get up on the high horse of victimhood:

I am not running for the US Senate because I am an adult entertainment star. I am not running for the US Senate for the same reason that so many dedicated patriots do not run — I can’t afford it. On this day inparticualar , we should all take time to reflect on the loss to our country that comes from the sad fact that those who may truly desire to contribute to our society are barred by those who only seek to unjustly profit off it.

I think she really needed a double negative in that first sentence because I think she’s trying to say she’s not not running because she’s a porn star, though she is. A porn star. This is so hard to follow.

It seems the main plank in her platform calls for the abolition of the Internal Revenue Service and implementation of the “Fair Tax.”

And yet, while many so-called conservatives like Senator Vitter have bent over backwards to pander to the burgeoning ranks of anti-tax conservatives and Tea Partiers, he has not once joined me in this call.

Well, the Tea Partiers might be racist and stupid, but they’re not porn stars, which is probably why Vitter hasn’t called, Stormy. But, like the fallen angel with the heart o’ gold, she’d gladly endorse Vitter if he would see the error of his ways and reform:

I believe so strongly that the time has come to reform our tax system that I would be willing to consider overlooking Senator Vitter’s hypocrisy and support him if he would come around to the need for real tax reform …

Then, her statement rises to its inevitable climax (cue violins):

And while I will not be participating in this campaign, I do not expect to go quietly into the good night. I will be looking for opportunities to fight for fairness for hardworking people everywhere. And I will continue to talk about the need for fiscal and personal responsibility. We will keep fighting so that one day the voices of the dishwashers, cashiers, bus drivers and porn stars will be heard just as loudly as those of the lawyer, the banker and the insurance company executive. This is my pledge. This is our fight.

Vitter is probably relieved he doesn’t have to beat a porn star in the primary, but he still faces Democrat Charlie Melancon, who doesn’t appear to be a porn star, bus driver or dish washer, but seems instead to be a member of Congress.Good luck, Charlie, we put your chances of winning at slightly more likely than a porn star and slightly less likely than a dishwasher.