On Wednesday, Mark Williams, the outgoing chairman of Tea Party Express — the astroturf group operated by the Republican Party PR firm Russo Marsh & Rogers that organized the three, secretly corporate-funded nationwide tea party bus tours last year — made headlines by calling the NAACP “professional race baiters” and a “vile racist group.” On Thursday, he upped the ante by posting a satiric letter (available, at least for now, on his blog at marktalk.com) from the “Colored People” of today to Pres. Abraham Lincoln:
Dear Mr. Lincoln
We Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!
“Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by someone else. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we say that belong.”
– Outgoing Tea Party Express Chairman Mark Williams
In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.
The tea party position to “end the bailouts” for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Colored People to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us Colored People! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.
And the ridiculous idea of “reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government.” What kind of world would we have is I ever to control and be responsible for my life own? As Colored People we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions and if you do not agree than there is not enough Colored in your People, as we labeled Ken Gladney [source]
The racist tea parties also demand that the government “stop the out of control spending.” Again, they directly target Colored People. That means we Colored People would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.
Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! Totally racist! The tea party expects Colored People to be productive members of society, especially when our mission is to convince them that progress is impossible for them based on the color of their skin?
Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by someone else. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we say that belong.
Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew National Association for the Advancement of Colored People Head Colored Person
On a much more trivial level, this is more evidence that conservatives should avoid trying to be funny. What conservatives find humorous — jokes at the expense of people perceived to be less entitled than themselves, which is pretty much anyone who isn’t a straight, white Protestant male — is just not funny to normal people.