Even before Republican Virginia Gov. Robert McDonnell’s “oops” moment — when he admitted that he had no clue how the mandatory ultrasound he originally backed “unconditionally” worked — women knew that most men don’t bother their pretty little heads with the details of contraception. Such lady business is just not theirs to contemplate.
So female legislators introduced a string of bills in state houses intended to help them “get it.”
O.K. Republican Taliban guys, we’ll break down what you’re advocating for you, analogy style. First, Virginia State Sen. Janet Howell (D).
Sen. Janet Howell proposed an amendment requiring men to undergo a rectal exam and cardiac stress test before getting prescriptions for erectile dysfunction drugs.
Nicely played, Sen. Howell! And really, a stress test is probably indicated anyway for someone having those types of, ahem, problems. Maybe that’s why the bill only failed by two votes.
Next there was Georgia State Sen. Yasmin Neal (D), whose law would have picked up after the Viagra worked.
[HB1116] would prevent men from vasectomies unless needed to avert serious injury or death.
The bill reads: “It is patently unfair that men avoid the rewards of unwanted fatherhood by presuming that their judgment over such matters is more valid than the judgment of the General Assembly. … It is the purpose of the General Assembly to assert an invasive state interest in the reproductive habits of men in this state and substitute the will of the government over the will of adult men.”
Well stated, Sen. Neal. Along that same line, your colleague in Oklahoma, State Sen. Constance Johnson (D), also tried to protect the God-given magic of sperm in an amendment that declared:
“…any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.”
This would outlaw masturbation by men, anal sex, sex with condoms, all forms of fellatio to completion, as well as other sex acts.
Sen. Johnson withdrew her amendment but planted a seed all the same.* Let’s just hope the authoritarian, out of touch paternalists answer the question posed by Sen. Neal:
“There are too many problems in the state. Why are you under the skirts of women?
*Yes, that sentence contains two puns.