Earth Rights Itself on Its Axis as Cracker Barrel Reinstates Duck Dynasty Merch

Come home, Cracker Barrel, all's forgiven. And as Cracker Barrel's Twitter team seems to be telegraphing with its images, 'This move does not imply that Cracker Barrel is homophobic (note gay married couple playing checkers with their son) or racist (note young black child learning to fire bubble gun in preparation for the inevitable real thing someday). Whoops, obviously we didn't mean that in a racist way.'

If you have not had the misfortune to dine on the meaty, greasy, and yet somehow completely flavorless fare at a Cracker Barrel, you will not know that in order to get to the chow, you must first bob and weave through the world’s most annoying gift shop. It’s filled with overpriced America-esque junk, from made in China pewter cross pendants to made in China sock monkeys.

If you’ve never been there, you will also not have been shocked when Cracker Barrel announced, after GQ published an interview with one Phil Robertson, of Duck Dynasty fame, quoting him thusly, that it was pulling DD merchandise from its stores.

“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

And of course, this, from an earlier interview on growing up in Jim Crow Louisiana.

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field…. They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!… Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

Cracker Barrel, which has been sued by both employees and customers for discrimination against gay and African-American people (and where the wait staff is always white and the table-clearers are always black), must have known that its customers are big Duck Dynasty fans. Their target market is the exact demographic that would in fact adore Duck Dynasty.

So why would they eff up and do the right thing by dumping DD merchandise, which must be among the hottest sellers? Outside of trying to distance itself from its own obvious racism and homophobia, which would, again, only endear it to its market segment, there was no profitable reason. Which is what executives must have realized after they began getting feedback from Cracker Barrel’s first amendment loving constituents. And which was when its Twitter team posted the mea culpa shown.

From the early response, Cracker Barrel’s* customers are willing to forgive. They were already in hash brown casserole withdrawal at the prospect of a boycott. Let’s eat, y’all!

*Please note that nowhere in this post did I refer to the company as “Crap Barrel.” Until now.

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