Did Eating Glue Make Stephen Miller Mean?

Dear Dr. Democrat:
Can you explain to me why his third-grade teacher would be “reassigned” to her home for saying Stephen Miller ate dried glue in Santa Monica, California? And do you think eating all that glue is what made him turn out so gosh-darn mean?

— Wondering in Waukegan

Dear Wondering:

Here’s how I suspect it happened. The White House has no pressure point in the California state government. All the elected state officials are Democrats. Dems control both houses of the legislature.The Los Angeles County supervisors are all Dems. They supervise the Los Angeles Unified School District. City of Santa Monica, which is part of LAUSD, is one of the most liberal places in the country. (Tom Hayden was on the city council there for years.)

That leaves LAUSD as the likely culprit. It’s a hotbed of do-gooders, but also a ginormous puzzle palace and Kafkaesque maze. The system can’t afford to raise teacher salaries beyond a certain point, so the ultimate reward for service is to be promoted into administration. The result is a system bloated with people who really ought to be teaching instead of playing bureaucrat.

My guess is Miller knew who to call at the LAUSD Borg hive to get the desired response.

Trust me, there will be lawsuits.

As to the second part of your query, let’s assume it was Elmer’s glue or a generic version of Elmer’s that Stephen Miller poured on his hands, allowed to dry and then ate. If so, it was polyvinyl acetate or PVA, commonly referred to as wood glue, white glue, carpenter’s glue, school glue or Elmer’s glue in the United States. PVA glue is an aliphatic rubbery synthetic polymer.

The exact formula and specific ingredients used in making Elmer’s products are considered proprietary information, so we don’t know what’s really in it. Elmer’s glue is labeled as non-toxic. “Non-toxic” means that it can’t really be digested even though it’s more or less safe to eat.

So, aside from the social costs of being the weird kid in class who ate glue off his hands — brooding lonerism, stunted personality, inadequate interpersonal skills, etc. — we probably can’t attribute Miller’s general oily obsequiousness, malignant misanthropy and unabated hatred of immigrants, legal or illegal, to his childhood ingestion of copious amounts of Elmer’s glue. There’s obviously something else going on with that sick puppy.

Yours truly,

Dr. D


  • October 16, 2018 - 4:31 pm | Permalink

    Santa Monica is a completely separate school district from the LAUSD. So, your entire premise is wrong.

    • October 18, 2018 - 11:01 am | Permalink

      OK, Larry, I’ll grant you that, but do you think eating glue made Stephen Miller mean? — Doc

  • Lawrence Rosenzweig
    October 18, 2018 - 11:48 am | Permalink

    He attended the middle school across the street from my home. I should have done something about him then. But it is hard to pick out a glue-eater in a crowd

  • Mike Conley
    November 2, 2018 - 2:17 am | Permalink

    I’m telling you, some witch in the Palisades conjured up Goebbels’ soul, and voodoo’d it into the young man at a susceptible age. They’ve been grooming him for decades.

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