- The Donald, explaining why he’s thinking of quitting as moderator of the December 27 GOP presidential debate hosted by birther website, Newsmax.

Age of Texas Gov. Rick Perry (b. March 4, 1950) on July 5, 1971, when Pres. Richard Nixon ceremonially certified ratification of the 26th Amendment to the Constitution, lowering the voting age from 21 to 18. In one of the most recent gaffes in his campaign for the GOP presidential nomination, Perry indicated he believed the voting age was still 21.

- Pres. Obama to House Minority Leader Eric Cantor Wednesday night as he brought their umpteenth daily meeting on the debt ceiling crisis to a close.

Bad thing: Andrew Breitbart gained credibility, though he lost some of that when he upstaged Weiner at Weiner’s own press conference, and came off like a egomaniacal ideologue on the order of Joe McCarthy.

Good thing: Distracted media from Sarah Palin for a nanosecond.

Bad thing: Timing — distracted everyone from the fact that Weiner is on the committee that was going to look into Justice Clarence Thomas’ tax returns and Ginny Thomas’ missing income, like nowish.

Good thing: Weiner’s social media incompetence has encouraged everyone else to study up on how to send a direct message on Twitter and how to reply on Facebook.

Bad thing: The long-lasting vision of Weiner’s gum-smacking e-paramour being interviewed on TV.

Good thing: Mrs. Weiner had the good sense and class to not stand by her man at the press conference.

Bad thing: Weiner’s a pervo loser who got caught in a sex scandal, and now doesn’t even have the pleasure of remembered actual sex acts; all he has are crotch shots — of himself.

Good thing: Tighty whiteys are all the rage on Capitol Hill this summer!

- Sarah Palin at the Rolling Thunder rally in Washington, D.C.

TO: Our Readers
FROM: The Editors
RE: Rapture Planning

By now you no doubt have heard that a well-financed group of fundamentalist Christians has predicted that the Rapture will occur at 6 p.m. Saturday, May 21, 2011, heralding the end of the world as we know it.

While we find the prediction to be not credible, we nonetheless believe it is prudent to plan for possible contingencies that could affect Pensito Review operations in the unlikely event that Christ should return to earth tomorrow evening.

Given the fact that it is unlikely anyone on our staff, which is predominantly pagan, would be raptured, we do not anticipate any change to our publishing schedule in a post-Apocalyptic world. Likewise, because most of our readers are heathen liberals, it is unlikely that a large number of them will be taken up into heaven, so we anticipate that site traffic will remain steady.

For those few Bible-bangers who do darken our comment trail from time to time to rail about homosexuality and godless liberalism, we will miss your idiotic commentaries, but will take comfort in the knowledge that you will be sitting on the right hand of God singing hymns for eternity. (Gee, sounds like big fun!)

We do advise readers to take some precautions, due to the danger presented by suddenly driverless automobiles and pilotless airplanes during the Rapture. We suggest you refrain from driving on the highway between 6 and 7 p.m. local time Saturday. It is advisable to remain indoors, preferably in a windowless room, with emergency supplies (flashlight, radio, drinking water, food) at hand. If a windowless room is not available, we suggest following Homeland Security Guidelines for securing windows with duct tape and plastic wrap. Also, it might behoove you to fashion a cap from aluminum foil.

We assure you that Pensito Review will continue to provide insightful political and cultural commentary — as well as pithy limericks — during the ensuing seven years of the Tribulations and right on through the End Times.

Finally, to 16-year-old Grace Haddad, whose mother told her she wouldn’t be going to heaven, don’t worry kid — Mom’s going to have some ’splaining to do come Sunday morning.

In the likely event that the Rapture does not occur tomorrow, please disregard this memo (except for the bit about the tinfoil cap, which we think is prudent to wear even when Doomsday is not approaching).

The Editors

Time remaining before the 2012 Republican presidential primary gets underway on Wednesday, Nov. 3.