First, it was the whole Benghazi embassy mess,
Then, it was the Tea Party scandal with the IRS.
Of course, everyone agrees,
Bad things come in threes.
Wait for it — Justice was spying on the Associated Press!

It’s a new era, and reporters are bolder.
What’s “private” now is in the eye of the beholder.
So don’t express your views
Or consume the wrong news,
‘Cause Bloomberg’s looking over your shoulder.

Last Sunday 360,000 people watched Howard Kurtz’s apology.
For his inaccurate tweet, he said he was really truly sorry.
Some say that at the least,
Now he’s left the Daily Beast,
Tina Brown won’t have to pay his $250,000 salary.

We know “Tailgunner” Ted Cruz is a Republican,
And we think, given his views, he’s a comedian.
But if he runs for president,
We’ll ask if he’s a resident,
‘Cause if he’s born in Calgary, that makes him a Canadian.

The South Carolina Republican says statistics is traitors.
He says they only help stockbrokers and corporate raiders.
He says that government numbers
Just make us dimmer and dumber,
So let’s get rid of all them durn economic indicators!

A couple of Hispanic candidates would make the news,
Though the likely ones have some whack-job views.
Still, Rubio we’d prefer
Over a rabid McCarthy-er.
Can you seriously imagine a President Ted Cruz?

He’s been kind of liberal since he was just a tike.
Appointed to SCOTUS by Clinton, what’s not to like?
But Justice Stephen Breyer
Might fare a little better
If he’d just sit on the bench and stay off his bike.

Congressional leaders are meeting in Washington somewhere
For secret negotiations they don’t want to share.
In an ultimate cop-out
They are trying to opt out
Of procuring their health insurance through Obamacare.

John Boehner’s quick with a mean-spirited quote,
Though it’s rare he says anything of real note.
But when it comes to legislating,
Lately he’s been hesitating —
Pulling bills ’cause he just can’t get the votes.

Media coverage of the Boston bombing was simply the worst.
CNN was just wrong and the Post should be cursed.
In reaching for glory,
They mangled the story,
Forgetting that it’s better to be right than to be first.