Archive: Poetic Justice
Rand Gets ‘Realistic’

Rand Paul’s distancing himself from Libertarianism,
And he’s backing off from Ayn Rand’s Objectivism.
He’s shed Aqua Buddha,
And his old man Ron, too, ta
Hitch his star to something he calls Conservative Realism.

Re-Election or Execution?

Attorney general Pam Bondi’s schedule was in confusion,
But Governor Rick Scott offered an expedient solution.
In support of her fundraising,
He did a little rearranging,
And postponed a serial murderer’s execution.

The Panic’s Infectious

Democrats have panic growing in their eyes,
As Republicans see their Senate hopes rise.
But one thing’s for sure,
In the absence of a cure,
Ebola is this election’s “October surprise.”

It Sounds Russian

John McCain said, “I’d Like to know who’s in charge.”
He believes this whole virus thing is getting too large.
But John’s got a solution —
We need an institution.
He wants Obama to do what crisis presidents do — appoint an Ebola Czar!

Second Term Doldrums

Barack Obama’s second term is getting grim,
His approval’s down and the midterms are looking dim.
The gap in enthusiasm
Is looking more like a chasm,
When Obama can’t even get a beach in Hawaii named after him.

Here’s Our Chance

Ebola’s a tough bug, and medically it vexes.
We want it quickly contained before it infects us.
Well, they wanted to secede,
So let’s give ‘em what they need.
We think its high time we quarantined ALL of Texas.

What’s the Secret?

Really now, what’s the Secret Service good for?
We know they excel at secretly drinking with whores.
So why keep an agency
To protect the presidency
When intruders can walk through the White House’s front door?

He’s Mulling Again

He’s someone of whom we hoped we were rid.
Who’d do it again if you’d done as badly as he did?
But the more he says no,
It sounds more like “go,”
And Mitt Romney’s mulling another presidential bid.

Newt Tweets Twaddle

Newt Gingrich was up in arms over “courtesy.”
He says bombing ISIS with courtesy’s heresy.
But CNN got it wrong,
And Newt’s tweet was a bomb.
So sheepishly, he tweeted a retraction, for accuracy.

An Imbiber’s Self-Interest

They’re off to the polls — all kilted and frisky,
Though many think Scottish independence is risky.
David Cameron’s sweating it,
The bookies are betting it,
But I worry what it means for the price of scotch whiskey.