Mitt Romney is a straight-laced gent
With a decidedly moderate bent.
He’s not a gunslinger
Or rock-and-roll singer,
So why’d he seek the endorsement of Ted Nugent?

If guarding the prez makes you nervous,
Then just find yourself a good linguist.
He’ll make it plainer
That when in Cartagena,
You can invoke the other meaning of “secret service.”

We find it exceedingly odd —
An endorsement that should leave us awed
Didn’t help Cain or Bachmann
Or Perry or Santorum,
So who’d want an endorsement from God?

Newt Gingrich is used to getting trounced,
Though he’s waiting for the convention to pounce.
But the trouble with Newt
Is he’s run out of loot,
And now his Utah registration check has bounced!

You’d think a baseball manager would know
There are certain lines in Miami one must toe.
If there’s someone you’re snubbin’,
Best make sure they’re not Cuban —
Oh, and never say you “love” Fidel Castro!

I’ll admit to having once been a fan,
Feigning outrage when he got the can.
But now that Al Gore
Has decreed, “No more!”
Will we finally be rid of Keith Olbermann?

She fell for a guy who had a way with the ladies,
But who’s farther right than Matt Hannity with rabies.
As a lifelong lefty liberal,
A right-wing romance made her fearful:
“Will I birth a bunch of Republican babies?”

Just because we don’t believe in a god
Doesn’t mean we’re angry, snarling sods.
Show me a dour Christianist
And I’ll show you a happy atheist
Who’s kind and accepting to all Jesus-freaky and Quran-creepy clods.

Far be it from us to kvetch,
But the primary campaign makes us retch.
With all the flip-flops and lying,
Don’t you think it’s about time
For the GOP to give a shake to its Etch-A-Sketch?

In Florida, when threatened, Stand Your Ground.
Especially when young black males are around.
‘Cause you know how young blacks
Are prone to attack,
So in Sanford, we just gun ‘em down.