The letterhead itself is my favorite part, but the idea of Sarah replacing Oprah (quitters unite!) does give me pause. Try it yourself now!

First, the real deal:

This guy needs health care, all right. He needs MENTAL health care.

And now, the remix:

As they are being drawn up into the bosom of the Lord at the time of the Rapture, what do you think will go through the mind of Christians?

• How will I locate my wife on Heaven’s alabaster avenues?
• Did I turn off the coffee pot?
• Oh no! What will happen to Rover and Fluffy??!!

Well, worry no more, Christians! There is help for your pets after the Rapture in the form of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA:

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet’s natural life.

It’s relatively inexpensive ($115 per first animal, $15 for each additional pet), but it’s only good if the Rapture occurs within 10 years.

The service is not available in Florida yet, and I admit I was tempted to take out a franchise. But then, when I thought about it, I decided my post-Rapture time would probably be better spent girding my loins for Armageddon.

Some outfit called Studio Brussel (yes, without the S) has created Eternal Moonwalk, where anyone with a video camera and no superego to step in and prevent the nonsense can record a 10-second video of themselves doing their own take on Jackson’s famous dance step. Each clip blends into the next, from a warehouse in Belgium to an office in Van Nuys to a living room in Sao Paolo, featuring hot chicks, formerly inanimate objects, small children, guys in boxer shorts, animals and some pretty cool animations.

One is reminded of Jackson’s greatness —he actually could moonwalk like a mofo — while it’s clear that 95 percent of the rest of humanity is totally clueless on how to execute the step. Still, finish whatever you’re doing (because you won’t be able to stop watching once you start) and enjoy the Eternal Moonwalk.

This will be our last chance to experience one of these thrills for awhile, at least until 11:11:11 on 11/11/11.

h/t to Anu Garg at Wordsmith

HT to FishbowlNY

It’s that time again: Earth Hour! Don’t forget to turn out the lights wherever you are at 8:30 p.m. (your time zone) and keep them off for the next 60 minutes.

This year’s theme and artwork seem inspired by America’s last presidential election. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

Here’s a more inspiring and explanatory video that effectively answers the question, “Why bother?”

Hotline has a new publication called Word on the Tweet that gathers the Twitter musings of elected officials and reproduces them, misspellings and all. What better time to start this new “service” than on the night of President Obama’s address to Congress? Read ‘em and tweep.

Last night’s speech by Pres. Obama may have been the first in which a president addressed a joint session of Congress while distinguished members of his audience shared their inner ADD/HD with their constituents and the world. Though at least one Cong. twitterer thought better of it, most tweeted a constant stream of reactions to the speech. Apparently part of the job responsibilities of the nation’s highest office holders is to tweet the days away.

Generally speaking, Republicans vastly outnumber Democrats when it comes to Twitter, so it’s no surprise that the majority of tweeting last night came from the GOP side of the aisle.

On Call Aside: Tweets are reproduced exactly as they were written. Spelling mistakes and all.

We’re Everywhere You Want To Be
Congressional tweets before the speech centered around one topic: how awesome it was to be a member of Congress last night. Members were tweeting a kind of stream of conciousness about the social order on Capitol Hill:

Rep. Steve Israel (D-NY): “Sitting in my seat on House Floor. Had to arm wrestle for it. Colleagues get very possesive about where they sit. Bruises and welts.” – 2/24, 8:24 PM

Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-OR): “Location! Presiding today I delivered message no more reserving seat by taping your name. Have to be there. And they are, early.” – 2/24, 8:28 PM

Rep. Cathy McMorris (R-WA): “On the House floor for Pres Obama’s historic speech to Congress. I have the honor of escorting him. If you’re watching, I’m wearing white.” – 2/24, 8:30 PM

Rep. Jared Polis (D-CO): “we cant take pics on the floor, and it would be impollite to livetweet” – 2/24, 8:30 PM

Rep. Michael Burgess (R-TX): “Somehow the best seats are reserved for the Senators.” – 2/24, 8:33 PM

Let’s Get This Party Started
The view from the inside as pre-speech excitement reached its zenith:

Rep. Bob Inglis (R-SC): “Speaker just gaveled to order. Senate entering now. It’s crowded on Democratic side. Not so much on R side. Something about 255 D to 178R!” – 2/24, 8:51 PM

Rep. John Culberson (R-TX): “Cabinet officers arrive – the applause allows us to visit and kibbitz – a sense of humor is an essential part of this job” – 2/24, 9:08 PM

Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-MO): “Quite an ovation.The warm greeting between Pres Obama & Sec Clinton makes me proud of our democracy. What a difference a year makes.” 2/24, 9:20 PM

Multitasking
GOPers had lots to say during the speech. Unfortunately for them, the 140-character twitter limit left them with little space to say it:

Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-OR): “Strong language. Well crafted. Not so many applause lines. Some in the audience not sure how to react.” – 2/24, 9:26 PM

Rep. Rob Wittman (R-VA): “I agree that all government spending should have accountability an transperency.” 2/24, 9:29 PM

Rep. Lynn Jenkins (R-KS): “He had me at cutting the deficit… lost me with all the increased spending…doesn’t that leave us only one option???” – 2/24, 9:45 PM

Rep. Zach Wamp (R-TN): “Pres Obama is moving the “center” to the left. We must stand our ground as conservatives. Liberal leaders in Congress threaten freedom.#tcot” 2/24, 9:48 PM

Sen. Mel Martinez (R-FL): “Ambitious speech. Missed on nuclear as “green” energy. He’s had a strong start. Well received speech in chamber. Has to reject earmarks.” 2/24, 10:05 PM

Rep. Steve Israel (D-NY): “Great speech by President. Had nice but brief chat with him when he concluded. Message from my daughter: “I just say you on TV!” – 2/24, 10:47 PM

A Little Past Our Bedtime?
Despite all the pre-speech anticipation for LA Gov. Bobby Jindal’s GOP response, only one congressional twitterer bothered to twitter. And yet it was a negative review about the man many say could be a contender for the 2012 GOP nom:

Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-OR): “Jindal is weird. I can’t believe Jindal. Such a sad contrast with President. Doesn’t even look or sound good, to say nothing about content” – 2/24, 11:44 PM

Flying from Sam Fuller on Vimeo.