You’ve got to hand it to Rick Santorum —
We thought his sweater vest would just bore ‘em.
But in C-O, M-I and M-S,
They thought the Rickster was best.
Now, if he could just get someone besides teabaggers to vote for ‘im …

One thing you can say about Barack —
He’s scary when he goes on the attack.
Now he’s picked a new fight
On behalf of what’s right —
He’s out to destroy SuperPACs … with his SuperPAC!

Before Mitt speaks he should stop,
Before the next gaffe starts to drop.
But you can be sure
What he said of the poor
Was true, and not some kind of flip-flop.

We’re not ones to be easily amused,
But we admit we got really enthused,
When we learned that the Muppets
Are more than just puppets
When Miss Piggy said Fox News isn’t news.

At a time when Newt needed some nourishment
In his oddball campaign to be president,
Along came, indeed,
A true friend in need —
Herman Cain came through with an endorsement.

He’s still in the race and continues to brawl,
And he’s vowed to stay in, even if he gets mauled.
But while he didn’t intend it,
His campaign, it just ended —
Sarah Palin’s now supporting Ron Paul!

We’ll leave it to the historians to take the long-term view
About the difference between what presidents say and do.
But once every year
The pundits long to hear
The mellifluous rhetorical relish of POTUS’s SOTU.

The announcement he made’s without precedent,
But he qualifies as a South Carolina resident.
It sure would be fun
If he really could run —
We’d support Stephen Colbert for president!

In New Hampshire Mitt Romney’s a-sailin’,
While Rick Perry’s campaign is ailin’.
But that old rascal Newt
Has got just cause to hoot —
He’s just been endorsed by Todd Palin!

As the Iowa caucases finally get under way,
We momentarily reflect on the great state of Ioway —
It’s too evangelical, too white,
Way too rural and too uptight.
So who — besides a half-dozen Republicans — really cares what happens there today?