As the Iowa caucases finally get under way,
We momentarily reflect on the great state of Ioway —
It’s too evangelical, too white,
Way too rural and too uptight.
So who — besides a half-dozen Republicans — really cares what happens there today?

GOP Rep. Sensenbrenner’s against Michelle’s war on body mass,
But his comments about it were low-brow and crass.
With judgment quite inferior,
He critiqued Obama’s posterior.
Well, she might have a large one, but he IS the bigger ass!

So Kim Jong-Il is dead and gone —
The Dear Leader’s exit was an inauspicious one.
But for poor North Korea
There’ll be no panacea —
The scepter’s been passed on to Kim Jong-Un.

Every year they mount a a tireless quest for
Some hero who’s not all buff and bluster.
Throw a rock in any direction
And you’ll hit one at a rally or occupation —
TIME’s Person of the Year — The Protester!

Yesterday I read an interesting science article
Where scientists say the Big Bang theory is arguable.
They’re searching for a psion
For a theory we can rely on —
That God’s not only not omnipotent, she’s just a particle!

The Florida legislature is scrambling
To create a plan for resort gambling.
In a kind of Catch-22,
They claim what it will do —
More gambling will regulate current gambling!

We all knew Rick Perry is a bigoted tool,
But we didn’t realize he was such a fool.
Bashing gay soldiers in a promo
Doesn’t prove he’s not a homo —
It just means he broke the Marcus Bachmann Rule!

There were times when we wondered if we would see
Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich deprived of his liberty.
But one thing’s for sure
When Blago hits the stir —
He’ll have the best-looking hair on Cellblock C.

Mitt Romney campaign’s gone a little stale.
It needs to amp it up fast or risk a fail.
But if Mitt’s campaign
Goes down the drain,
He’ll always have the endorsement of Dan Quayle.

After Iowa, Mike Huckabee will anoint one candidate king — or queen.
After Iowa, Huck’ll swoop down, kingmaker-like, onto the scene.
But as an ex-gov and ex-candidate,
And a talking head who bloviates,
What, exactly, would a Huckabee endorsement mean?