We think that it’s high time to examine
The battles conservatives seem to be winnin’.
From planned preconception
To controlled contraception —
They’re waging a war against women.

It was old white men who crafted the ultrasound bill, natch.
They said the bill is good because it comes with a catch.
They say it’s not intrusive,
Cruel, unusual or abusive —
If the slut just closes her eyes, she doesn’t have to watch!

You want an endorsement from a political hotshot,
Someone whom the public has not already forgot.
So you know you’re failin’
When you’re endorsed by Palin,
And Karl Rove asserts that it’s “not worth snot.”

It is wrong to speak of advertisers’ bravery
For dropping Rush after comments so unsavory.
It’s not good for product branding
To be perceived to be one standing
Behind Limbaugh’s especial kind of knavery.

In Laurens County, the “right kind” of Republican
Don’t cuss or watch porn, hates abortion, favors guns.
Even if you are the right kind,
They’ll still make you sign
A danged ol’ pledge before they’ll let you run.

Some may view it as an inconvenient goo,
Others pay good money to see it spewed.
But up there in Delaware
They showed us they really care,
By designating sperm as human people, too.

With Andrew Breitbart there was no taming —
He was hurtful, destructive and defaming.
Breitbart was a pill,
And say what you will,
He also was fiendishly entertaining.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s lawyers are pretty astute —
Noting that whether he paid for sex or not is moot.
They allege when at an orgy
One is excited and engorgy,
And it’s impossible to tell a naked woman from a naked prostitute.

All of us liberals hate Andrew Breitbart, of course,
But some of us, more than others, hate him worse.
Especially Alec Baldwin,
Who came out and called him
“A festering boil on the anus of public discourse.”

In the debate over forced contraception,
The question is, when is conception?
Some stand firm —
It’s when the egg meets the sperm.
But for Rick Santorum, life starts at … erection!

h/t to Bill Maher